How Do You Know You Are Too Old to Be a FTM?

Last week, while my daughter was tapping out Morse code on my internal organs, my husband and I were discussing how to know when you are too old to become a FTP (first time parent). 

I mean, in the beginning, I truly believed that we were (probably) too old to become parents. About a year into our marriage we had a very frank conversation about whether or not children were going to be a part of our lives. I decided... I mean, WE decided that we would try for a limited time and if it didn't happen for us in our timeframe then we would not have kids. It was all very cerebral. Very rational, which is kind of our thing. We sleep in on the weekends, we barely go out and party with our friends, a night on the town generally includes finishing laundry, buying take-out from our favorite Chinese restaurant and getting a movie from Redbox. We are not wild and crazy animals over here. Essentially, we are the epitome of old. 

But I couldn't have some lame ass answer when having this serious discussion with my husband. I mean, I am supposed to be a responsible contributor to this very important topic, right? I couldn't feed the fear that we wouldn't be able to pick up our kid or chase her in the park because of our creaking backs and arthritic hands. Most of all, I could NOT be outdone by whatever logical answer he had. That just isn't how this party works, folks. It can't. I won't let it. 

So, when my husband looked at me and said "Babe, how do you know when you are too old to be a first time mom?" I very calmly looked him in the eye and said: "When you have more grey pubes than you have grey hairs on your head." 

My work here is done.