Nobody Asked You, Becky

Let's end February with a bang! The first two months of 2018 have been significantly... extra. Baby K has been sick twice-- the January edition of "sick baby" landed us in the doctor's office (story later because mama is still traumatized). I have gone to three memorial services. We have been traveling on the weekend (basketball season) and I am not sure that I actually finished unpacking from our end of the year (2017) trip to Savannah. Y'all, I'm living off of caffeine and bad decision making. Slow down, 2018... no need to drop kick me this early in the year. 

In addition to the whirlwind of emotions that come with the above named craziness, I'll tell you what else I have been feeling: judgment. Now listen, BEFORE Baby K I was not really sensitive to the judgment hoisted at me from other people. I didn't really notice it and, frankly, I just didn't care. I still don't care, but I notice the judgment more. I mean, God forbid Baby K fall in love with a shirt that has a dinosaur on it... then I am dressing her like a boy. Help us all if she goes to sleep in the car and fucks up her hair. Clutch your pearls, ladies... my baby is not on a typical sleep schedule because no one in this house is. She doesn't eat breakfast at 8 am. She does not go down for the night at 7:30pm. Usually if I am out and about, she is with me. 

Maybe because she is always with me, people feel the need to give me unsolicited advice? Maybe because she is mostly agreeable people want to try to prepare me for a changing of the tide? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Well, guess what, Becky? Nobody asked you, darling. It is NOT possible for me to care any less about your opinion on what I do with my kid. She is smart, sweet and she is well behaved, so the fact that you don't like what I picked out for her to wear has no bearing on my day. If it is clean, she will wear it. Period. 

Now, check this: I am not going to be one of those moms that says "I'm totally not judging you..." because in certain situations, I AM TOTALLY JUDGING YOU. That shit is human nature. Like, if you are dressed to the nines and you have your baby in public wearing only a dirty diaper, one sock and a hair bow, baby, you can count on the fact that I am shooting disapproving rays our of these deep brown eyeballs AND I have relayed the whole scene to my husband through text. If your five year old is cussing you out in the fruit roll up aisle in the Walmart and you just take that shit and dole out ZERO discipline, girl, I mean... I'm judging you. If YOU are having a meltdown, cussing out your kid in a public place and showing ZERO self discipline, I'm judging you and giving you the side eye. But run-of-the-mill mama days? Those days when your kid has a meltdown because you tell her she can't JUST eat chicken nuggets? The days when all you can do is pull your hair up in a bun, dust off the sweat pants you have had on for the last two days and go to Target, like a boss? Your three year old repeating all the bad words he heard you say in the car? I recognize those moments and you'll get no judgment from me. 

Listen: most of us are doing our best. Don't give me shit because you feel like I should have only breastfed my kid for 12 weeks. Don't tell me that you didn't nurse any of your five kids... good for you, lady. Don't tell me that you would NEVER let your kid sleep with you. Super fantastic. Your life is not my life, Becky. I mean, damn. Parenting these little tornadoes is hard enough without you double checking my work, like a non paid math tutor. If I need some advice, I'll ask. If I need help, I'll damn sure ask a friend, but I am not trying to hear "you know what you SHOULD do" from you. You know what YOU should do, Becky? Mind your business.