There Is A Smell
Welcome back to my crazy life! I know, I know, you probably just made a face and thought "I mean, how crazy could her life ACTUALLY be?" Well, darling, let me fill you in... on just the last day and a half.
[Maybe my life isn't crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Could be. Yeah... totally could be.]
It is just shy of three in the morning and here I am, trying to type quietly so I don't wake the irritable toddler that (finally) decided to go to sleep "in mama's bed." The same bed that she has peed in TWICE in the last 36 hours. BTW- never been so happy to have purchased a mattress protector, IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Big girl panties SUCK. So, laundry is the pits and I find myself just wanting to throw everything away, turn our Honda Element into a mini camper and go to the land of 'no sheets allowed' where toddlers walk around naked until they can figure out that they don't like the sensation of warm piss flowing down their formerly chunky legs.
Yesterday, when we were arguing about how using the potty would make mama's life a little more fantastic and not having to buy diapers would make EVERYONE's life a lot more fantastic, we had this exchange:
"Mama is a big girl and she uses the potty. All big girls use the potty. Aren't you a big girl?"
"No!! I baby."
Well, alright then. And she said that shit like she meant it. Like, lady if you don't leave me alone I WILL fuck around and piss on your bed again. Potty training is for the fucking birds. Who thought that sleep deprived parents would be good at this? I think I need to have a little talk with Jesus and ask him "WHY?!?!?" Super emphatically. Funny that I need to Have a Little Talk With Jesus because I was just humming that hymn today so I could gather myself when Baby K was acting like a heathen. And when I asked her if she was a heathen, she replied "Siddy, siddy, siddy (silly) mama. No heathen." If wasn't so ridiculously funny that this kid is JUST LIKE ME it would be infuriating.
You may find yourself asking "if her baby is asleep, why the hell is she still awake"? That answer is simple: y'all... I am taking a break from my "detective" work to write this post. There is an unidentified smell in the kitchen. I don't know what it is and I can NOT find the source. It is bothering me like nobody's business. So I, with the (non) help of the dogs- who are really looking to eat whatever it is that I find) and the flashlight feature on my iPhone have been in search of something that is probably growing mold. It isn't in the fridge and I already had hubs check to see if there was a dead field mouse under the sink-- there isn't. What the fuck is smelling up my whole kitchen? I MUST KNOW. Imagine me tip toeing in my kitchen, so not to wake the fucking nut bag cats, my sleeping husband who is working a different shift this week, one of the nosy (loud as all hell) dogs and an irritable toddler, searching (with a little ass flashlight) for something that I can clearly smell in my bedroom.
You know what? Fuck it. I'm lighting an incense and closing my bedroom door. I'm going to read my library book (which I have now checked out TWICE) until I fall asleep. I'll try again in the morning...
[Maybe my life isn't crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Could be. Yeah... totally could be.]
It is just shy of three in the morning and here I am, trying to type quietly so I don't wake the irritable toddler that (finally) decided to go to sleep "in mama's bed." The same bed that she has peed in TWICE in the last 36 hours. BTW- never been so happy to have purchased a mattress protector, IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Big girl panties SUCK. So, laundry is the pits and I find myself just wanting to throw everything away, turn our Honda Element into a mini camper and go to the land of 'no sheets allowed' where toddlers walk around naked until they can figure out that they don't like the sensation of warm piss flowing down their formerly chunky legs.
Yesterday, when we were arguing about how using the potty would make mama's life a little more fantastic and not having to buy diapers would make EVERYONE's life a lot more fantastic, we had this exchange:
"Mama is a big girl and she uses the potty. All big girls use the potty. Aren't you a big girl?"
"No!! I baby."
Well, alright then. And she said that shit like she meant it. Like, lady if you don't leave me alone I WILL fuck around and piss on your bed again. Potty training is for the fucking birds. Who thought that sleep deprived parents would be good at this? I think I need to have a little talk with Jesus and ask him "WHY?!?!?" Super emphatically. Funny that I need to Have a Little Talk With Jesus because I was just humming that hymn today so I could gather myself when Baby K was acting like a heathen. And when I asked her if she was a heathen, she replied "Siddy, siddy, siddy (silly) mama. No heathen." If wasn't so ridiculously funny that this kid is JUST LIKE ME it would be infuriating.
You may find yourself asking "if her baby is asleep, why the hell is she still awake"? That answer is simple: y'all... I am taking a break from my "detective" work to write this post. There is an unidentified smell in the kitchen. I don't know what it is and I can NOT find the source. It is bothering me like nobody's business. So I, with the (non) help of the dogs- who are really looking to eat whatever it is that I find) and the flashlight feature on my iPhone have been in search of something that is probably growing mold. It isn't in the fridge and I already had hubs check to see if there was a dead field mouse under the sink-- there isn't. What the fuck is smelling up my whole kitchen? I MUST KNOW. Imagine me tip toeing in my kitchen, so not to wake the fucking nut bag cats, my sleeping husband who is working a different shift this week, one of the nosy (loud as all hell) dogs and an irritable toddler, searching (with a little ass flashlight) for something that I can clearly smell in my bedroom.
You know what? Fuck it. I'm lighting an incense and closing my bedroom door. I'm going to read my library book (which I have now checked out TWICE) until I fall asleep. I'll try again in the morning...
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