PheMOMena

Welcome back to my crazy life! I know, I know, you probably just made a face and thought "I mean, how crazy could her life ACTUALLY be?" Well, darling, let me fill you in... on just the last day and a half. [Maybe my life isn't crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Could be. Yeah... totally could be.] It is just shy of three in the morning and here I am, trying to type quietly so I don't wake the irritable toddler that (finally) decided to go to sleep "in mama's bed." The same bed that she has peed in TWICE in the last 36 hours. BTW- never been so happy to have purchased a mattress protector, IN MY WHOLE LIFE. Big girl panties SUCK. So, laundry is the pits and I find myself just wanting to throw everything away, turn our Honda Element into a mini camper and go to the land of 'no sheets allowed' where toddlers walk around naked until they can figure out that they don't like the sensation of warm piss flowing down their formerly chunky legs. Yesterday...

You know, when you are pregnant people think  it is hilarious to send you pictures and videos of massive diaper blowouts. Babies just covered in poop, onesies that will never recover-- no matter how many times they are washed. You also get lovely pictures of toddlers covered in peanut butter or shaving cream, while writing on white walls with a black permanent marker. When I was pregnant I was convinced that my friends and family were trying to torture me with proof of misdeeds by little people.  I think that maybe those pictures and videos helped strengthen my nerves when it came to poop. Luckily, hubs and I never really had to deal with lots of poop or puke. I can count on one hand how many times in her 23 months that Baby K puked all over. Each time it was because she was inhaling her favorite food-- green beans. The explosive puke was traumatic, at the time, but so infrequent that I wasn't even going to write about it.  What I do NOT understand is why no one...

Let's end February with a bang! The first two months of 2018 have been significantly... extra. Baby K has been sick twice-- the January edition of "sick baby" landed us in the doctor's office (story later because mama is still traumatized). I have gone to three memorial services. We have been traveling on the weekend (basketball season) and I am not sure that I actually finished unpacking from our end of the year (2017) trip to Savannah. Y'all, I'm living off of caffeine and bad decision making. Slow down, 2018... no need to drop kick me this early in the year.  In addition to the whirlwind of emotions that come with the above named craziness, I'll tell you what else I have been feeling: judgment. Now listen, BEFORE Baby K I was not really sensitive to the judgment hoisted at me from other people. I didn't really notice it and, frankly, I just didn't care. I still don't care, but I notice the judgment more. I mean, God forbid Baby K fall i...

This is motherhood: here I sit, at 2:45 in the morning, watching Caribbean Life on HGTV and trying to quietly type my thoughts without waking a very talkative 18 month old. I swear that being a mom is really just undercover ninja training. Being THIS quiet is hard! I want to exhale loudly... especially if putting Baby K down takes an extended amount of time (which has been the case lately). But NO, quiet is a necessity for at least 20 minutes after she closes her chocolate colored eyeballs.  Being quiet at night is also really messing up my late night snacking life. I end up eating whatever makes the least amount of noise... which is never anything exceptionally good. I mean, chips come in crinkly bags, so guess who is eating pickles or canned fruit in the middle of the night? Not that there is anything wrong with those snacks, but, uh, if I have had to "mom" all day, I want some salty chips or great candy that I don't have to share.  Really I just want some qui...

After Baby K was born I struggled with how I was going to introduce myself to her. I mean, I spent months talking to her while she punted my internal organs around, but once she was born, how would I let her know who I am? How could I make sure that she knew that I look a little different on the outside, but it was my heart that she was hearing beat for all those months? Most importantly, how could I ensure that her first word would be...mama? (It is a thing I have... don't judge me). As soon as we knew she was paying attention (and able to follow our fingers), we started pointing to our noses and saying our names. Round a bouts of "mama, dada, Kenzie" were heard over and over again. She seemed to love it. Laughs were had. After a month or so, she joined in. She would point to my nose and it was my job to say "mama" so I did. About 8,000 times. I didn't care. Have you ever heard a six month old giggle? Heaven. Plus, when we got past the cooing stage, Ba...

Summertime in the city! The weather is fantastic and here in the Midwest everything is in bloom. Our garden is growing like gang busters and we are loving the life of fresh fruits and veggies that we planted and watered. A few years ago we planted berries (strawberries and raspberries). This year the raspberries have done so well. We can get a couple handfuls every other day. The strawberries have not fared as well-- the ants are eating them before we can pick them and the size of the berries have declined. What is a girl to do? Put everyone in the car and drive an hour west to Troy for everything strawberry!! A few weekends ago we did just that. June is a weird month for us. The weather is wacky (either too hot or too rainy), my mom's birthday is a week before Father's Day, my brothers and sisters are getting out of school and summertime activities are kicking off. We are crazy busy. So, even though it has been 5 years since I moved back to Columbus, we have not ventured out...

This is going to be more of a catch up, what's been going on entry... because SO much has been happening around here. First of all, WE HAVE A WALKER!! That's right, Baby K is making her way everywhere, mostly on her own. For a few months she has been participating in assisted walking, which really just means that she was dragging me and hubs around the house for balance. She still crawls and does her little bunny hop, but she added (non assisted) walking to her repertoire on May 28th. To be fair she put together 3 steps on the 27th, but really took off the following day. Her new thing is to walk towards you like she is going to bless you with her presence and at the last minute she turns around and goes the other way-- it is very entertaining... for her. Next: she still hates baths. Like, crying fits, hates them. She will get wiped off with little to no problems but the whole immerse her body into water is a constant struggle. She hayed the little seat that you put in the bat...

Y'all. We are under attack. Right now, as I type, our household is being held hostage.. by a teething toddler. Seriously, sweet baby Jesus, WHY???? Now I will say this: until now, hubs and I have been spared. Baby K has 8 teeth, 4 on the top, 4 on the bottom. They all came in with no problem. Like, zero problems. She wasn't extra clingy, no fever, no crying. Just excessive drooling... and, given the alternative, I can deal with that.  Well, when we went to her 12 month check up last week, our pediatrician told us that all of her molars are coming in-- at the same time. That day she didn't seem to bothered at all. She happily ate very berry Cheerios, drank breast milk, ate purees... attempted to eat baby wipes (what can I say? My baby is an adventurous eater). Fast forward a week. Lucifer has entered my sweet child and forced her to terrorize us. Oh my good god.  Last night she had a slight fever. Now, I found out, long ago, that Baby K does not tolerate Tylenol we...

Ah, the joys of pregnancy. Amirite, ladies? What you will discover VERY early on is that pregnancy is about growing a healthy baby AND getting examined. Exams, exams, exams... and a few blood tests. Trust me, readers, I am certainly no prude, however, there is nothing that prepares you for the number of times your doctor (and whoever is assisting him) will see your nether regions during this 10 month time period. I mean, it is like a party where you don't wear pants. Pantless party - population you and one sturdy pair of stirrups. Mercy!  It starts rather early too. It isn't like they give you a chance to get comfortable with the idea of going from a pap smear once every two years to throwing your feet above your head every other office visit. They don't really ease a girl into this. As I recall, you are safe for the first visit because they don't REALLY know if you are carrying an energy zapping parasite , er, baby. You go in and say "hey, I think I might be...

With all these letters, I feel like I am on 26 episodes of Sesame Street! Today I am going to talk about two types of delivery: birth and my writing style.  Let's start with BIRTH. As you can read in my Birth Story Recap, part one and two , I delivered Baby K via a scheduled c-section. I chose to deliver this way WELL before April 12th, 2016. Hubs and I talked about my medical history and concerns almost as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I brought up my concerns with my doctor and got a second opinion-- we all came to the conclusion that a c-section would be my absolute best option. Baby K clearly had the same plan because when we went in for the c-section, she was lying transverse in utero... so I was going to have to deliver by c-section anyway. (I feel bad for the ladies who are not mentally prepared to deliver this way because it was high stress for me and I knew what was coming). If you read some mommy blogs there is a nasty little group of mamas that talk so b...

It has occurred to me that I just started this blog without introducing myself. I guess that I always figured that the only people that would read this would be my family and friends, but what better way to kick off a blogging challenge besides some sort of introduction, right? I mean you want to know how large a raving lunatic I am before taking my parenting advice, right? You need to have some idea about exactly how sarcastic I can be, right? FYI- my sarcasm level is off the charts. Every day, all day.   Let's see if we can't shine some light on the lady behind this blog, shall we? Here are 15 fast facts about me. These are in no particular order... * I am rarely sappy. My go-to emotion is sarcasm or jokes. Mostly sarcasm.  * I never thought that I would have a child. Like, ever... but I do love Baby K more than words can express.  * Hubs is my best friend and even if I told him every day how invaluable he is to me, it still would not be enough.  * I...

Welcome to April, folks!! There is so much on deck for this month. We will be celebrating one whole year of parenthood-- and it seems like this year has flown by. In an effort to continue to write down all the feels/frustrations/celebrations/milestones that we will see or have seen, I have joined the A to Z challenge for the month of April. The rules are simple: Every day of the month (except the first 4 Sundays) is a letter in the alphabet, April 1st = A, April 3rd = B, etc. Because April starts on a Saturday, the last Sunday will be the Z entry. Twenty six letters, twenty six entries. Both blogs. Should be a lot of work... but also fun and exciting. I am going to HAVE to schedule most of these posts in advance because toddler life is unpredictable, but I am excited to write more-- even if that means missing out on some nap time. Hopefully all these posts will be up before 8 pm, but no promises on that because, again, toddler life is traumatic for the mama! So, stay tuned... I think ...