PheMOMena

Exactly two years ago today hubs and I made my pregnancy "Facebook official" with this picture. The caption read: ' Well now, it looks like 2016 is shaping up to be a new kind of adventure at our house... #NewParents #Preggo #MomToBe #DadToBe #Pregnant #AprilBaby #PregnancyAnnouncement.' Amazingly, it took more than a few of our friends a little while to realize what we were doing in this picture. Maybe they were already tired of autumn scenery on their Facebook timelines? They did get it though and this is one of our most liked pictures on Facebook.  How did you announce your pregnancy? If you are having another child, how will you announce it?

After Baby K was born I struggled with how I was going to introduce myself to her. I mean, I spent months talking to her while she punted my internal organs around, but once she was born, how would I let her know who I am? How could I make sure that she knew that I look a little different on the outside, but it was my heart that she was hearing beat for all those months? Most importantly, how could I ensure that her first word would be...mama? (It is a thing I have... don't judge me). As soon as we knew she was paying attention (and able to follow our fingers), we started pointing to our noses and saying our names. Round a bouts of "mama, dada, Kenzie" were heard over and over again. She seemed to love it. Laughs were had. After a month or so, she joined in. She would point to my nose and it was my job to say "mama" so I did. About 8,000 times. I didn't care. Have you ever heard a six month old giggle? Heaven. Plus, when we got past the cooing stage, Ba...

Ah, the joys of pregnancy. Amirite, ladies? What you will discover VERY early on is that pregnancy is about growing a healthy baby AND getting examined. Exams, exams, exams... and a few blood tests. Trust me, readers, I am certainly no prude, however, there is nothing that prepares you for the number of times your doctor (and whoever is assisting him) will see your nether regions during this 10 month time period. I mean, it is like a party where you don't wear pants. Pantless party - population you and one sturdy pair of stirrups. Mercy!  It starts rather early too. It isn't like they give you a chance to get comfortable with the idea of going from a pap smear once every two years to throwing your feet above your head every other office visit. They don't really ease a girl into this. As I recall, you are safe for the first visit because they don't REALLY know if you are carrying an energy zapping parasite , er, baby. You go in and say "hey, I think I might be...

Welcome to April, folks!! There is so much on deck for this month. We will be celebrating one whole year of parenthood-- and it seems like this year has flown by. In an effort to continue to write down all the feels/frustrations/celebrations/milestones that we will see or have seen, I have joined the A to Z challenge for the month of April. The rules are simple: Every day of the month (except the first 4 Sundays) is a letter in the alphabet, April 1st = A, April 3rd = B, etc. Because April starts on a Saturday, the last Sunday will be the Z entry. Twenty six letters, twenty six entries. Both blogs. Should be a lot of work... but also fun and exciting. I am going to HAVE to schedule most of these posts in advance because toddler life is unpredictable, but I am excited to write more-- even if that means missing out on some nap time. Hopefully all these posts will be up before 8 pm, but no promises on that because, again, toddler life is traumatic for the mama! So, stay tuned... I think ...

If  you have seen the PheMOMena instagram account, you know that my cute family just took a little trip down to Savannah, GA. I was really nervous to make this trip because it was Baby K's first trip on an airplane AND there was a layover heading down there and coming back home. A ten month old, plane ride, air pressure, layovers = sounds like a party, right? Yeah, to say that I was a little less than thrilled would be an understatement. But, after complaining a moderate amount, I decided that it is better to see how my little darling will react to being in an airplane on short flights... with complete strangers that I never have to see again, so off to the airport we went!  Our flight out of Columbus was scheduled for 9:15 AM. Why?? Well, hubs got these tickets months ago for an event, and we wanted more time to hang out with folks at that event. The event was ultimately cancelled and we could not get our money back for our airline tickets, so we decided to fly into the...

My Facebook Memories just informed me that around this date last year, hubs and I were on our way to our chosen hospital for a maternity tour. Fun and excitement, right? I mean you are anywhere from five to fifteen weeks to meeting a little person that looks like you, so why not go see where this being is going to be delivered? Don't you want to see a mock up of the room where your Labor and Delivery nurse will take a crying blob, with your husband's nose and a head full of amniotic fluid soaked hair, and place it on your chest? Good concept... the actual visit though? Uh, no.  So, I LOVED my hospital experience, I loved the staff, I wanted my daughter to be born at The Ohio State University hospital (just like I was, and my sister... and my mom). What i didn't like was the fucking maternity tour--stay with me here. I wanted to make sure that I did all the "mom to be" stuff, especially after hubs and I decided that Baby K was going to be an only child, so I w...

One year ago I found out I was pregnant. I know that I have an infant and life seems to go by MONTHS at a time now, instead of days, but it really doesn't seem like a year ago. It seems like 15 years ago. Let me explain. Hubs and I talked about planning a pregnancy. Since we are (a bit) outside the prime baby making years we definitely had a talk about the possibility of not ever being parents. We were firm on the details... if we were to "get pregnant" that would be cool; if we didn't, that would be fine too... and we were not going to have any medical intervention. So IVF was off the table for us. We were just going to try and see what would happen. And guess what? We tried for a year and nothing happened. Not a thing. Month after month it seemed like our want for a baby increased and we were shot down time after time. It was sad. By July 2015, after 13 months of trying, I set up an appointment with my gynecologist to make sure that we should keep trying. Appointm...

Summertime in the city. We have been hitting the streets a lot lately, traveling and such. When folks see the cute, chubby Baby K one of the first things they ask is: "Are you going to have another baby?" Uh, no-- thank you for asking. Such a weird question to ask... especially if we aren't related. Or close. Or acquaintances. This one little, old lady told me that if I didn't have another baby, Baby K would be lonely and grow up to resent me. Also, according to her, I didn't need to get the all clear from the doc before hubs and I started "trying" again... we should "just do it." Dear ma'am at the grocery store... Uh, NO. Ok, a couple things.  First:  I can honestly say, I have never had an overwhelming want or need to be a mom. I mean, it is great work if you can get it, but it certainly was not on my radar for the first 35 years of my life. Now, I love the time that I spend with my little chubbers, but it totally was not at the top o...

When I was pregnant (which seems like a bajillion years ago) hubs and I decided that our baby was going to be a breastfed baby, if possible. There were a couple of reasons for this but the two important ones (to us) was 1. it is good for Baby K and 2. it is a hell of a lot cheaper than formula feeding. I mean have you SEEN the price of formula?!!? It is obscene... but I digress. Totally a personal decision for soon to be mamas. I was a formula fed baby. My sister was a breastfed baby. Whatever floats your boat at the time is exactly what every mama should do. We talked about it and decided that I should at least try breastfeeding. If it was possible and Baby K grew well, our thought process was I should stick with it as long as possible. Seven weeks in on this breastfeeding thing and I have come to the conclusion that nobody respects the buffet. Me. I am the buffet, Breastfeeding is no joke, friends. Holy crap. You are always on call. Newborns pretty much eat, sleep and poop. I knew ...

It is early. As in, the sun is barely up. I know that most people are up and moving around this time, but we don't generally see early morning in this house. Hubs works second shift (usually home around 2 or 2:30 am) and we have a little human that likes to play when she should be sleeping. It is early and I am awake. Awake, drinking coffee and taking it all in. This blog will tell you the funniest or weirdest events that happen on our journey of parenthood-- and there will be plenty of stories because hubs and I are old, first time parents with smart mouths and no real experience, but today... today I will fill you in on what I see in these wee hours. The house is (mostly) silent. The (three) dogs have been outside for their morning bathroom break, so they are sleeping again. The loudest one is the chihuahua- she snores like an old man. It still amazes me that such big sounds come from a six pound dog. The cat is roaming the house like a black panther-- looking for prey to pou...

It is 4:30 AM. I have been awake for two hours, after a two hour cat nap with my daughter. She is now sleeping and here I sit, watching Forensic Files, waiting for Mr. Sandman to come visit me again. The house is quiet, with the exception of the TV and the deep, slightly labored breathing of hubs, Baby K and the animals as they sleep. In the last two hours I have cuddled a crying baby, rocked her, fed her and changed a very full diaper... only to have her fill up another diaper within 5 minutes. I may never get back to sleep. As I turn to my left and look at her little sleeping face in the light of the computer and TV screens, I have no real complaints. I mean, everyone would like more sleep (and trust me, after three weeks, a solid nap would be the best present EVER) but that little familiar face makes it totally worth it. I can smell the baby lotion that I rubbed on her before she went to sleep (the first time). I can see her silhouette in the darkened bedroom-- from the nose down, s...

So the ride on a gurney towards the operating room seemed so long, even though it was just down the hall. Maybe it was the hellacious contraction I was having on the way? Possibly. Hubs had a designated chair in the hallway. The nurses rolled me right by him. He was dressed in scrubs-- he looked like a new resident on Grey's Anatomy-- nervous and kind of sick. On we roll. One big door opens into a freezer type room. Seriously, it was so cold in there. To my right (which was the back of the room) there was a little baby warmer, a scale and all the jazzy shit that babies need when they are cut out of you. To my left there was the "crucifix table" which was for me. Ok, I am not a complete heathen, that table really did look like a cross. What the hell did I sign up for? What was about to go down in this room? Ma'am? Sir? Is this thing on? I got some help being transferred from my gurney to the crucifix and I was introduced to the two anesthesiologists that would be inj...

Ah, nine days ago, my husband and I were blessed with a small version of ourselves. She came into the world on her own terms-- who doubted that would be her process? Certainly not me! Baby K has rocked our very stable world for the past nine days. Who knew that such a small person could control two big people, one cat and three dogs? For those interested, below is part one of her (crazy) birth story. Part two is coming soon... along with the adventures of being a mom. Holy crap, I am someone's MOM. Jeez. I knew early on that I wanted to deliver by c-section. Often, when other preggos would discuss their birth plans, I would just remain quiet because I did not want to hear the bullshit status quo answers like "your body was made for this (vaginal delivery)" or "don't let your doctor talk you into a (horrible) c-section" or (my [non] favorite) "don't you want to KNOW that you can deliver your baby like women have been for thousands of years?" ...

This probably should have been my very first post, so y'all would know exactly HOW I got suckered into this thing called pregnancy. But, truthfully, I am a little backwards sometimes, so the fact that it ISN'T my first post on this blog is kind of apropos. I find that since this pregnancy hasn't been all sugar and spice, I am... a complainer. Plus, I have ALWAYS said in the past (and my friends have reminded me) that I really wasn't the kind of person to have children. I don't really like kids. Well, ok-- I like being the cool older person/babysitter/auntie figure... and then I like leaving and going back to my home, which is lazy and silent (besides the dogs barking and the infrequent meows from the cat). So what made me want to give up my fantastic house silence for the hustle and bustle of having a kid?? The truth? I was plied with alcohol. Seriously. Picture it: Spring, 2014. I got a text message from one of my college buds-- she wanted to meet up for drinks a...

Last week, while my daughter was tapping out Morse code on my internal organs, my husband and I were discussing how to know when you are too old to become a FTP (first time parent).  I mean, in the beginning, I truly believed that we were (probably) too old to become parents. About a year into our marriage we had a very frank conversation about whether or not children were going to be a part of our lives. I decided... I mean, WE decided that we would try for a limited time and if it didn't happen for us in our timeframe then we would not have kids. It was all very cerebral. Very rational, which is kind of our thing. We sleep in on the weekends, we barely go out and party with our friends, a night on the town generally includes finishing laundry, buying take-out from our favorite Chinese restaurant and getting a movie from Redbox. We are not wild and crazy animals over here. Essentially, we are the epitome of old.  But I couldn't have some lame ass answer when having th...