PheMOMena

With all these letters, I feel like I am on 26 episodes of Sesame Street! Today I am going to talk about two types of delivery: birth and my writing style.  Let's start with BIRTH. As you can read in my Birth Story Recap, part one and two , I delivered Baby K via a scheduled c-section. I chose to deliver this way WELL before April 12th, 2016. Hubs and I talked about my medical history and concerns almost as soon as we found out I was pregnant. I brought up my concerns with my doctor and got a second opinion-- we all came to the conclusion that a c-section would be my absolute best option. Baby K clearly had the same plan because when we went in for the c-section, she was lying transverse in utero... so I was going to have to deliver by c-section anyway. (I feel bad for the ladies who are not mentally prepared to deliver this way because it was high stress for me and I knew what was coming). If you read some mommy blogs there is a nasty little group of mamas that talk so b...

My Facebook Memories just informed me that around this date last year, hubs and I were on our way to our chosen hospital for a maternity tour. Fun and excitement, right? I mean you are anywhere from five to fifteen weeks to meeting a little person that looks like you, so why not go see where this being is going to be delivered? Don't you want to see a mock up of the room where your Labor and Delivery nurse will take a crying blob, with your husband's nose and a head full of amniotic fluid soaked hair, and place it on your chest? Good concept... the actual visit though? Uh, no.  So, I LOVED my hospital experience, I loved the staff, I wanted my daughter to be born at The Ohio State University hospital (just like I was, and my sister... and my mom). What i didn't like was the fucking maternity tour--stay with me here. I wanted to make sure that I did all the "mom to be" stuff, especially after hubs and I decided that Baby K was going to be an only child, so I w...

Oh the glamorous life I lead. Everyone tried to tell me that having a newborn would equal sleep deprivation (it does), tear filled nights (yep) and lots and lots of shitty diapers (double check that on the list). I haven't had many tear filled nights and the ones that I HAVE had have been because of sleep derivation. Until tonight. That's right, ladies and gents. The events of tonight put me on my ass, hear me?! I mean, I was kind of rocking this whole "new mom" thing. I am generally showered and slightly presentable. Baby K is always on point when we leave the house. I am bouncing back from that c-section... like a champ. But today, y'all. Today didn't play fair. For real. There I was, minding my own business, trying to prepare lunch for tomorrow and clean the kitchen, when all of a sudden the smell of poop filled my nostrils. I looked to the baby, of course. No dice. She was sleeping in a wet diaper but no poop to be seen... no gas to be smelled. I chang...

So the ride on a gurney towards the operating room seemed so long, even though it was just down the hall. Maybe it was the hellacious contraction I was having on the way? Possibly. Hubs had a designated chair in the hallway. The nurses rolled me right by him. He was dressed in scrubs-- he looked like a new resident on Grey's Anatomy-- nervous and kind of sick. On we roll. One big door opens into a freezer type room. Seriously, it was so cold in there. To my right (which was the back of the room) there was a little baby warmer, a scale and all the jazzy shit that babies need when they are cut out of you. To my left there was the "crucifix table" which was for me. Ok, I am not a complete heathen, that table really did look like a cross. What the hell did I sign up for? What was about to go down in this room? Ma'am? Sir? Is this thing on? I got some help being transferred from my gurney to the crucifix and I was introduced to the two anesthesiologists that would be inj...

Ah, nine days ago, my husband and I were blessed with a small version of ourselves. She came into the world on her own terms-- who doubted that would be her process? Certainly not me! Baby K has rocked our very stable world for the past nine days. Who knew that such a small person could control two big people, one cat and three dogs? For those interested, below is part one of her (crazy) birth story. Part two is coming soon... along with the adventures of being a mom. Holy crap, I am someone's MOM. Jeez. I knew early on that I wanted to deliver by c-section. Often, when other preggos would discuss their birth plans, I would just remain quiet because I did not want to hear the bullshit status quo answers like "your body was made for this (vaginal delivery)" or "don't let your doctor talk you into a (horrible) c-section" or (my [non] favorite) "don't you want to KNOW that you can deliver your baby like women have been for thousands of years?" ...