May Showers

When you are preparing to come home with a baby one of the first things the doctors and nurses will tell you is sometimes babies have night and day cycles mixed up. That means that, more than likely, your baby will be awake at night and sleep soundly during the day. Totally true. Baby K is just now attempting to figure out a sleeping pattern of a normal person. She will sleep in her bassinet during the day, no problem. Somehow, as soon as the sun goes down, she has an aversion to the bassinet-- can't sleep there, won't sleep there. Nope. During daylight hours I have to wake her up so she can eat and play, but let the moon shine brightly in the sky-- this little night owl wants to socialize. Like she is at the club, y'all. Cooing, grunting, eye contact, smiling; I mean, you would think I was buying her an all inclusive trip to Disney World the way she is chatting me up at 3 in the morning. We are working on it. On Sunday hubs and I were made privy to something else that we need to work on.

Mother's Day, 2016. My first Mother's Day. We decided to shower (luxury, some days) and head over to my mom's house for some family time. We also decided to take Baby K's harness off (more on that in another post) dress her up really cute and take some family photos. First up, the shower. Hubs and I decided that Baby K would join me at the end of my shower, so she could quickly shower and we could get going. I finished up in the shower and asked hubs to bring her in. We took a cute "kodak moment" shower together. Her skin pinked up under the warm stream of water. I washed her hair, which almost immediately turned from bone straight to deep waves. Her gray eyes just stared at me until we were done. The  smell of fresh, clean baby filled the bathroom. So sweet, right?

I hop out of the shower. Hubs is on the phone wishing his mom a happy Mother's Day. There I stand, dripping wet, about to towel off this baby and ALL OF A SUDDEN... she pees. Ok, listen-- she peed like a grown man who had been drinking crappy beer all day; like a college coed on St. Patrick's Day; like a freaking racehorse. We aren't just talking about a few little dribbles or even a light stream... I mean, this little bambino peed like her little body housed a hurricane. All over the bathroom floor AND down the front of my left leg. I couldn't do anything but laugh. Ok, there may have been a screech- then a laugh. I could not make this shit up. Could not.

My dearest daughter: let me give you a few little hints, you know, to help you on your way. 1) Dude, you could have totally peed when we were in the shower. I mean, I would still be grossed out but damn, clean up would have been a breeze. 2) As a future rule, mom is NOT the parent that you should pee on... it would be MUCH more hilarious if you peed on dad (I'm just saying). 3) Total time that you were not diapered? Approximately 6 minutes. Ma'am. I know you have small organs, but that bladder can hold pee longer than six minutes. Most importantly 4) I'm calling a party foul-- you seriously should not pee on mom on the national day set aside to honor mom. That is just not cool, little buddy. Not cool.

The best reaction to this golden shower moment belongs to my mother-in-law. When she was told what was going on in the bathroom she said something along the lines of "thanks for the call; welcome to motherhood" and hung up. LOL Good mercy, how will I deal with such a glamorous life?